Posts Tagged: Boiled Piss

Gossip & Lies – Intentional Bores

Gossip & Lies - 14/04/16 - Intentional Bores

Welcome back to another edition of Gossip & Lies – The Thrones Weekly Dirtsheet.

Just a small bit of house keeping before we get down to the boiled piss. Obviously, last weeks edition missed it’s deadline and didn’t get published. This was entirely my fault, I let my public down and I hold my hand up to that. You deserve better from the fourth estate.

It also, was always in my mind that the first edition was going to say it was weekly, then just be a one off. A good heel is always one step ahead of the crowd, ready to piss them off in a different way as soon they start getting cheers..

But I had quite a long walk home from the pub this week and I’ve probably got enough half jokes about the mad shite people have been doing online to get a full feature out of it this week.

Intentional Bores

There’s been some more drama this week about Intentional Draws. While I was pitching hot takes to my editor, I told them I had two possible angles on it, but couldn’t decide which one. My editor said they both sound weak as piss, write them both and ironic pre-amble and you might just get away with it.

Hot Take #1

Sometimes I bring a notepad with me to the weekly Thrones meetup, and am as guilty as any one else for having a quick, mindless doodle during my opponents marshalling phase or while they’re doing challenge maths that I can’t be bothered to work out though.

In a tournament scenario however, intentionally drawing is just not on. It’s disrespectful and it affects your own game. You should be thinking a few turns ahead, not working hard on a sketch or colouring something in.

Hot Take #2

I can’t imagine ever doing an intentional draw. Mainly because I don’t think I’ve ever had an opponent who I haven’t wanted to brutally murder for the crime of being an adult who plays a card game as a hobby. Utter scum, the lot of you.

Mad Shite Yer Blathering

Fuck off with yer Magic.

Discord

The author, trapped in quandary over whether it’s ethical to create more boiled piss to write about.

Who Reviews the Reviewers – Part 32537548

Idiots have been kicking off again over review scores. And not just idiots who think film critics have an agenda against Batman v Superman (more like an agenda against wank films, amirite?).

My favourite idiot this week, bravely took a stand on CardGameDB to expose the corruption of the reviewers. They had unfairly rated the card To the Rose Banner! by being so small minded and not considering an illegal combo. Honestly, where do they get these reviewers from?

Said poster did not back down when he was called on his Mad Shite by people much cleverer than me, with the top sass came from Istaril. How was he supposed to know to check the Rules Reference Guide* for a rules question before mouthing off online?

It really was an impressive display of narrow mindedness while shouting down others for being narrow minded.

*Full disclosure, I have never read the Rules Reference Guide or the standard rulebook for 2.0 and I’m mouthing off online, which might make me a hypocrite.

Entrance Music (For a Card) – Expensive Cat

All I really want is for Thrones to be more like professional wrestling, which means cards need entrance music. So I’m taking the liberty of having my own gossip column to give every card their theme song.

Cat Stark has recently undergone a gimmick change and come back as a flashier, more expensive card. She is however, still a cat, and as such there’s no better entrance music for Expensive Cat than Shonen Knife’s I Am A Cat.

This is definitely not just an excuse to post a Shonen Knife song because I’m going to watch their gig tonight.

Obviously, writing this fucking nonsense takes a lot of work, if you’d like to support future editions of Gossip & Lies, why not give your money me on Patreon? If that, frankly ludicrous, request is too much for you, you can find me on Twitter as @JackMachin, listen to me talk about wrestling on The “K” Word podcast or check out my band Twin Visions.

Thank you for reading, I’ll (probably) see you next week.

Gossip & Lies – The Arbor Duplicate Drama

Gossip & Lies

Hello there, and welcome to the first edition of Gossip & Lies – The Thrones Weekly Dirtsheet.

I’m Mach, and much like the image above suggests I’m here to bring you this week’s boiled piss, concentrated.

We’ll be taking a snarky look back over the previous seven days of furious overreactions, wild speculation, spurious gossip and what happens when Banter goes wrong.

In person, the Thrones community is full of some of the nicest, funniest people I’ve ever met. Like everything else,  on the internet the very same community seems to be so much worse.

Arbor Duplicate Drama

The AGOT 2.0 discussion group on Facebook is a haven for “Community Discussion & Play,”  about “deck archetypes, builds, theory and more.” And more is what we’re going to talk about here.

There was some confusion on this group, as to whether or not you can set up duplicates of The Arbor. It’s hard to tell where the genuine rules questions stop and the parody posts start. Thankfully though, our beloved and benevolent Facebook group mods swept in with swift, decisive action delivering posts sweet justice like Kevin Costner. They stopped the trolls in their tracks and nothing more was said of it.

Apart from the following all happening:

  • The joke posts kept coming
  • Cries of censorship from idiots
  • There was discord in the Discord chat,
  • The  beloved and benevolent group Mods looked like tools
  • Antagonistic Private messages about being antagonistic were exchanged.
  • The parody group 2.0 group for 1st Edition Elistists roundly mocked everybody.
  • Thrones players globally were united in boiled piss.

Who Reviews the Reviewers?

Let me preface this by saying, anyone who takes the time to write any kind of legitimate Thrones related content is a saint, and their efforts should be applauded. However, the latest chapter pack review got the piss boiling like no man’s business.

And which card was it that set everyone off? The Arbor of course. Many felt that the reviews had vastly underrated the card, with no one giving it a perfect 5 out of 5 score.

Another card (The First Snow of Winter) did get a perfect score, and obviously this got people up in arms. The comments devolved into a fairly amusing discussion of how the reviewers underrating and overrating cards at the same time. Fantastic.

Monday Morning Podcast Pileup

Somehow four of the seven million Thrones podcasts (Beyond the Wall, Banter Behind the Throne and Great Beards of Westeros, Wardens of the Midwest) were published on CardgameDB on the same day. I haven’t listened to any of them, because like all good hacks, I don’t need to research what I’m writing about.

They’ve made it to this column however, because the fire brigade did have to be called in as a result  of this sick burn from Dave Bamford ,UK Boro Melee National Champion, Host of Banter Behind the Throne and Generally All-Round Nice Guy on rival podcast host Istaril.

Dobbler Don’t Like Alt Art

Going through relatively unscathed between all the Arbor drama, former World Champion Greg Atkinson has come out against using Alt Art cards in competitive play. The post was long and Facebook formatting is wank so I didn’t read it. But someone probably got cross about it.

Yeezus Returns Fashionably Late for Easter

The one shining light in the Thrones Online Community, CardGameDB poster Yeezus, made a triumphant return to his thread “how do i get good at this game?” I’ll be honest, Yeezus is so good he makes me feel sick.

I’ve written over 20,000 words in total about Thrones in the past three years and none of it comes close to this level of brilliance. To try and explain it here wouldn’t do it justice, and would ruin perfect satire with deconstructionalist, navel gazing wankery. Just read that entire thread and subscribe to Tidal.

Come back next week for another pointless waste of time covering the drama, the idiocy, and most importantly, the boiled piss.